Episode 14: How setting boundaries can create peace
Aug 09, 2021
In this episode, seasoned relationship therapist and bestselling author Nedra Tawwab graces us with her wisdom and teaches us how to set boundaries and navigate relationships. Nedra explains how we can reclaim ourselves by breaking our people-pleasing tendencies and learning to honor our personal needs, safety and mental wellbeing. Nedra offers a wealth of advice, ranging from specific language we can use when setting and maintaining boundaries to ways we can diffuse heated political arguments with a friend or family member. As well, she discusses how we can reconcile difficult relationships and exit unhealthy ones, all while learning how to be more accepting of others. There’s a whole lot to learn in this episode - let’s dive into the world of setting boundaries!
Link to Full Episode:
This Episode Will Teach You:
- How to set boundaries and navigate the anxiety that comes with it
- How we can learn about setting boundaries from children
- Language to use when setting boundaries
- How to maintain boundaries when discussing politics
- How to know if you are arguing or having a conversation
- How to react when someone breaks a boundary
- How to know if an argument goes too far
- How to step back from undesirable relationships
3 Biggest Takeaways:
- Sharon questions Nedra about the discomfort and anxiety we feel when setting boundaries. Nedra explains that boundaries boil down to expressing our needs to others, which is often uncomfortable because we have been taught to people-please. In order to reclaim ourselves and step away from this mentality, we can look to children. Young children typically communicate their feelings and set boundaries without the worry of people-pleasing. Nedra explains that while it is good to be considerate and caring, it is unhealthy to consistently value others over our own health, safety and needs. In fact, when we do this, it can make us resentful, anxious and depressed.
- Nedra addresses how to navigate relationships when uncomfortable and unsafe political conversations are frequently brought up. Monitoring the intensity, frequency and emotions involved in the discussion is a good way to determine if the conversation is healthy or not. If the conversation is consistently brought up, Nedra recommends telling the person that you will not engage in the conversation. As well, it is important to remember that the goal is to not change the person’s beliefs. Instead, we must learn to accept that a person’s ideology cannot be changed and use this realization to determine how to proceed in the relationship.
- Lastly, Nedra explains how to end an unhealthy or undesirable relationship. She suggests instead of having a conversation with the friend or family member, simply phase out of the relationship. Many times, once the effort to maintain the friendship stops, the relationship will naturally end. However, there are certain exceptions in which it is necessary to end an abusive or overbearing relationship. Nedra explains how to have these conversations and gives examples of specific language we can use.
About the Guest:
Nedra Glover Tawwab is a practicing relationship therapist of 14 years and author of New York Times bestseller Set Boundaries, Find Peace. Her Instagram account offers her one million followers wise anecdotes and practical tips for setting boundaries and growing healthy relationships. Nedra is also the founder and owner of Kaleidoscope Counseling, a group therapy practice.
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